


picture imperfect

by astraversa



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Family, Fluff, Genderfluid Character, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 19:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12754812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraversa/pseuds/astraversa
Summary: Saeran's twin brother is starting a family photo album, and it leaves him with mixed feelings. On a coffee date, he confides to Vanderwood his discomfort.





	picture imperfect

Click click click. The sound of a camera going off follows Saeran around wherever he goes, whatever he does - whether it’s enjoying ice cream, watering his plants, or even that one time he dyed his hair back to red. The attention is as nice as it is overwhelming, but Saeran finds he doesn’t like having his picture taken unless it’s something he has direct control over. Yet Saeyoung’s enthusiasm cannot be curbed.

It’s uncomfortable. It leads to daydreams of snatching Saeyoung’s phone and smashing it under his heel, freeing himself from being forever captured in film. 

Saeran takes to purposefully ruining shots instead. At first he just hid himself, but Saeyoung only took that as a challenge and got more obnoxious. In turn, Saeran had to up his game by pulling faces or making obscene gestures. Ultimately that only accomplished making Saeyoung whine, but it at least deterred the twin from taking more photos over an arbitrary amount of time. 

That didn’t stop Saeyoung from keeping some of the worst ones for posterity though

Vanderwood is smirking down at a particularly horrid one on their phone, the picture more a finger than Saeran’s face. Now known as Francis Stark to most of the world, as far as Saeran is aware the RFA were the only people that referred to the ex-agent by their old name. Like they’re the only ones allowed a glimpse into the ex-agent’s past.

Strangely, for all Saeran hates secrets, he finds he prefers it that way. Names have always held a special meaning to him, and being allowed to refer to Vanderwood that way meant a lot more than he let on.

The person in question turns their gaze back to Saeran, tone dry, “When I asked for a picture of you, this wasn’t what I had in mind.” 

The amusement in Vanderwood’s eyes betray their good humor. Saeran pauses. It’s a difficult balance, fighting the urge to please versus the urge to play. But if he was going to get anything out of the photos, it might as well be the fun in trolling others.

“Is that so?” He asks, innocent as can be, “Too bad.”

Sighing, his date ( _date_ , echoes Saeran’s mind obsessively, even though they’ve been officially going out for a few weeks now,) saves the picture anyway and gives Saeran a particularly appraising look. It puts Saeran slightly on edge, sensitive to the change in mood.

“You always take photos like that?” The brunette follows up, taking a sip of their coffee thoughtfully. Saeran it immediately hit with the urge to apologize and offer a proper photo after all. He swallows down the impulse in a conscious effort, glad he is able to control himself better now after so much time untethered. 

“... I have my reasons.”

One of the most prominent he keeps purposefully unknown. It’s connected to why Mint Eye was named what it was, and his twin’s photography spree only serves to remind him of that little mystery. Each time he hears the shutter, so too does a particular creed echo in his ears: 

All suffering will be seen. 

He can’t admit as much to Saeyoung. Not when the words only come out as hurtful rather than reasonable when he tries, derisive rather than grateful for unconditional love. Contrary to their childhood, it’s much easier for him to be cruel now in lieu of being weak. 

Thankfully, Vanderwood isn’t stupid. They’re able to connect all the dots on their own, and lean over the cafe table conspiratorially.

“Saeyoung being that much of a pain, huh.”

Well. Most of the dots.

“As usual. It’s… been a thing since he took that ‘family photo’ with the RFA.” Saeran replies, letting skepticism seep into his voice, “He wants to make a whole family photo album now.”

Vanderwood seems just as uncomfortable on Saeran’s behalf, exhaling loudly through their nose and setting down their cup with a deliberate movement.

“Good for him.” They say, tone clearly measured. This is what Saeran likes about his datemate. They balanced both emotion and reason well, and considering their own background, it didn’t feel like Saeran’s baggage was completely disproportionate to the other’s. Between them, they both could act as equals that were adjusting to a normal life, with no need to cover up inconvenient truths.

Saeran swirls his straw in his frappe idly, mixing the cream in generously with the strawberry syrup. It gives his hands something to do as he works through the feelings of the admission.

“It is,” he admits, “I’m… glad he has found a family of his own. And I’m grateful to them as well for all they’ve done to involve me. But being included feels… false.”

Though what felt genuine was just as difficult to conceive. The closest he ever felt to finding a family of his own outside of Saeyoung had been with the Savior. Problem was, it turned out that it had been a lie as well.

Despite those facts, Saeran couldn’t let himself spoil things for Saeyoung. He’s seen how his brother treasured the only photos he had of him, the very photos that had shaken Saeran to the core when confronted with them as evidence of Saeyoung’s fidelity. That all his brother now wanted was a proper family album… any grief it caused was something Saeran could bear. 

Happiness could only be achieved through pain, indeed. Though society reviled Mint Eye, and as much as he himself had forsaken it, there were still aspects of the doctrine that resonated within him. It was why he kept the tattoo, despite being offered cosmetic surgery to remove it. It was a part of himself he couldn’t forget, even if he wanted to.

“Makes sense. For people like us…” Vanderwood begins, apparently on a similar wavelength. They seem to have only trailed off to briefly laugh at themselves, “We’re not used to that sort of kinship. It’s complicated enough with just you and Saeyoung, right?”

Nodding, Saeran twirls his straw further at the thought. While he might have accepted being Saeyoung’s brother again, committing to the RFA was another matter entirely no matter how much his twin wanted it. He knew too much about them to simply trust and accept the group in its entirety, held too much of the pain and resentment and inability to help themselves _and_ himself against them and their cause. Worse, any time he hinted as much only served for the members to handle him like fine china as well. 

“Uh…” Vanderwood interrupts Saeran’s musing, now eying the straw he had been fidgeting with. Unbeknownst to himself, Saeran had twisted the straw to the point of crushing it. 

“Let me grab you a new one.” Vanderwood offers, before shuffling up towards the counter, awkward with their kindness. Of course, Saeran knew very well that was a regular problem for his date. He’d done his research: Vanderwood tended to be on the defensive and stuck to practicalities, only opening up via text chat or when it felt safe enough. 

Saeran sympathized. That fragility was familiar, yet appealing. Looking back, it was embarrassing that he didn’t realize he’d developed a crush at first - instead crediting his fascination with Vanderwood to being his brother’s assistant, an intriguing concept fueled further by his own envy, impotence, and, most of all, desire brought on by whimsical games which involved finding a person to support him. 

It was no coincidence that the woman he had chosen to infiltrate the RFA also had brown hair and brown eyes, with an admirable ability to take life as it came. 

When Vanderwood returns and offers Saeran a new straw with a wry smile, Saeran can’t help but feel grateful he actually had a chance to get to know them better rather than obsess over a substitute. Much of his feelings had been based on an ideal after all, but it didn’t change the fact that he felt like he could connect to them as a person. 

Although, he was unable to understand why the interest was reciprocated. While Vanderwood was always candid, there was never an indication as to _why_ they would want to strike up a relationship with their old associate’s brother. Seeing as Saeran lacked qualities that would make him traditionally attractive, being a pathetic and vile existence, logically there had to be another reason. Was it loneliness? Desperation? Perhaps even pity? … did he care if that was the case?

“What… did you want the photo for, anyway…?” He asks inadvertently, anxiety beginning to get the better of him. “Why? I look just like _him_ too...”

An array of voices circle in Saeran’s head unbidden. What if this was all just a way to get back at Saeyoung, like how he himself had tried to entrap his brother with the RFA? Could he really trust that Vanderwood meant well? What if his weakness meant Saeyoung would be hurt? Wasn’t there a way he could ensure his affections were returned?

“Hey. Don’t you dare.” Vanderwood warns, perceptive enough to see where Saeran’s thoughts are heading. It makes Saeran sit up a little straighter, pay a little closer attention. Even in the midst of abduction, he had appreciated how the person across him was unafraid to set boundaries and talk to Saeran as an equal. That still hadn’t changed, and that very frankness was what made Saeran so willing to receive his feedback. 

Respecting his date’s preferences didn’t mean he understood them though. 

“... sorry.” He starts by apologizing, clearing his head and trying to salvage the situation. “I’ll rephrase. I’m worried that I’m not really your type.”

Clicking his tongue, Vanderwood crosses their arms over their chest as they consider how to respond. It makes their shirt stretch across their shoulders, and Saeran’s gaze lingers on their collarbone.

“I wouldn’t say that. You know me… little details matter a lot. So you might be identical twins with that guy, but the more I get to know you, the more I see what makes you unique… and I like what I see. I wouldn’t date just anyone, okay?”

There’s a dusting of pink across their tanned cheeks. It’s adorable. Saeran feels his heart start beating a little faster, hands shaking slightly with a need to reach out and trace the colour.

He restrains himself, barely. 

“...thank you. Hearing you say that… makes me happy.” 

It’s the truth, because Saeran doesn’t want to hold back on expressing such feelings. Vanderwood makes an embarrassed noise but seems just as pleased.

Nonetheless, Saeran craves more. He doesn’t mean to be coy, but he can’t help but glance up at Vanderwood’s face through thick lashes and with a seductive huskiness to his voice. “I need a little more convincing…”

“Damn…” Covering their face slightly, Vanderwood can’t quite meet Saeran’s eyes. For a moment Saeran worries he overstepped, but it’s a concern that’s quickly allayed. “There’s that, to start with. You know how to sweet talk. What makes it all the more effective is that you mean it. Plus, you’re smart and serious and more reasonable than given credit for, but you appreciate having a good time.”

Saeran’s cheeks feel hot. This was more than he bargained for. Did he really deserve such praise?

His date seems to think so, brown eyes finally meeting green in a look filled with sincerity. 

“I’m bad at this stuff… but honestly, the fact that you reached out to me was nice too. We might’ve gotten off on a rocky start, but after all that had happened it felt like I had no place in the world. So even if it was just a way for you to get back at Saeyoung, it meant a lot.”

“That’s…” Saeran couldn’t fault Vanderwood for thinking so. He never would have imagined that they’d genuinely end up dating. Not with all the history between them and “Luciel”, ending with an attempt on his brother’s part to forsake his ex-associate. Ironically, it was the latter event which made Saeran all the more comfortable with Vanderwood, and their joint aggravation over Saeyoung had allowed them to bond in a way that felt safe. 

Plus a spiteful part of Saeran’s heart did enjoy the small rebellion against his twin.

“Don’t worry about it.” Reassures Vanderwood, voice somewhat droll, “Not like I had the most innocent intentions either.”

The admission helps, as does the the past tense. That somehow they understood that Saeran needed that extra reassurance only made his feelings towards Vanderwood all the stronger.

Still, there was one thing left unanswered.

“Then the photo…?”

Vanderwood pauses, then reaches over the table to gently stroke Saeran’s hair. He wants to lean into it, to feel the leather of Vanderwood’s glove against his cheek and be pulled into a kiss that was hot with the very same hunger Saeran felt for the other. 

Instead the touch remains light, but affectionate. Though he wants more, Saeran wasn’t about to complain.

“You’re cute.” Confesses the ex-agent, with a feeling they were never allowed to express before, “And... I’d like to see your face whenever I want to. I guess… you could say I want to have my own family album too.”

Oh. _Oh_. To think Vanderwood felt the same way he did… that being apart from each other was getting to be painful, only ever alleviated when together again… that they felt like they _belonged_ together… 

Could he really be so lucky?

Their hand drops from his head and back to the table, but Saeran is still enraptured. He looks at Vanderwood. Really, truly looks at them. Their clothes were tidy and chic, hair carefully styled. Everything about them radiated dignified maturity, with skin that glowed and the sharp edges of their face softened by the warm lighting of the cozy cafe they’d taken to frequenting. 

He tries to picture himself next to such a person and finds it difficult - he was too mismatched, clothes unsophisticated, expressions dull and body language tense. Physically, his skin was sallow and the lighting no doubt making the shadows in his face more prominent. He was a disaster.

Yet he doesn’t feel like shying away. Wretched Saeran may be, but it doesn’t dissuade him from wanting to be with Vanderwood. If anything, it makes him want to try harder - to really become worthy of their love.

“Don’t stare. It’s… not that big a deal, right? I mean, it’s just that I’ve never had a family album before.” Vanderwood continues, filling the silence as no doubt Saeran’s focus had flustered them, “Or, maybe when I was very young, but it’s long gone considering how us agents had to abandon that stuff… to be honest, I never thought I’d have a chance to make one again. But I’d like to. I want something like that to hold onto. Is that… okay?”

“Yes.” Saeran breathes, like Vanderwood had just cast a spell that cured him of paralysis. His throat still feels choked with too much emotion to name, but God, _yes_ , he wants this. 

For a moment Vanderwood seems unsure what to do with themselves, before breaking into a smile so heartfelt that Saeran knows if he wants to capture anything in memory forever, it would be _that_.

So.

“Let’s take a photo now.” He suggests, moving over to Vanderwood’s side of the table. They stiffen slightly, artless in their inexperience with love, but Saeran pays it no mind. Where Vanderwood lacks finesse in showing affection, he will make up for ten-fold.

Leaning against them, Saeran’s fingers find their way to the underside of Vanderwood’s arm. Slowly, his pads trace the veins up to their elbow in a show of undisguised avarice.

Vanderwood seems weak to it, melting once the initial shock wears off. Obediently they pick up their phone, opening the camera function even as they mutter slightly under their breath about what a brat Saeran is.

Saeran smiles.

The photo is possibly the best one he has taken yet. He has no doubt that once Saeyoung sees it (because he _would_ see it eventually, even if Saeran tried to keep it hidden,) he would coo over how happy Saeran looks while trying not to burst into tears. It would immediately have a place in his brother’s photo album, even with Vanderwood in the shot, and that thought makes Saeran feel somewhat victorious.

But not as victorious as when Vanderwood turns their head and captures his lips in a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST TIME TRULY WRITING FOR MY BIG MAIN RAREPAIR, VANDERAN. AND I LOVED IT. WRITING THIS WAS SUCH A JOY. Thank you to Sassa for giving me such a good prompt that I could truly run away with it!   
> I hope other people come to love and enjoy this ship too!!


End file.
